I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
