And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
