if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
