When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
