I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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