uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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