all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
