No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
