great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
