She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
