You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
