walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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