if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
