Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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