I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize