Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
