I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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