The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
