So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
