1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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