U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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