I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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