sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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