He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
