Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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