i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
