i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
