respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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