I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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