Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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