Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
