I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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