the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i believe in u and ur pee
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
