And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
