well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
