Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
