bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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