we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
