I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
