she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
