shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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