I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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