So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
