I've blown a few things in my day
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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