I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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