Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
