so that wasnt chicken after all
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
