dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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