Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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