Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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