he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So squirting runs in the family.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
