I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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