Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm jealous of your bromance
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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