We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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