something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
