there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
