hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
