Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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