you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Did I show you my penis last night?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
