You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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