This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
false alarm. still invincible.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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