i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
