i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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