So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
