The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
