im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
