How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
