After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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